Java, the day I had to let her go

My little girl

9 Dec 2019
9 Oct 2020
2 minutes

I miss her. I miss my little girl. I miss Java, my cat. I loved her. I love her. Two weeks ago, she left me. She was too sick. I had to. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to keep her still. I wanted us to have many more years together. I had to. I had to let her go. For her. I didn’t want my Java to suffer. It was hard. It’s still hard. I miss her so much.

I spent more than one third of my life with her. She was 14 years old. It’s a good life for a cat you will tell me. I will answer you that I was expecting a lot more. She was healthy, until she was not. It went so fast. It went too fast. For many, it’s hard to understand, but she was like a kid to me. She was my little girl! How dare I compare an animal to a human? I dare. I loved her. But it’s fine. You don’t have to understand. I don’t need you to. That won’t heal my wounds. That won’t stop the suffering. She was my little girl. My girl. Java.

She is not there anymore, waiting for me to get out of the shower.

She is not lying next to my head anymore, waiting for me to fall asleep to run some errand.

She is not inspecting every new item entering my place anymore.

She is not sleeping between me and my keyboard with her little head on my wrist anymore.

She is not looking at me with her eyes clearly saying, I love you hooman.

She is not there anymore… my little girl!

Hopefully, she had a great life. I hope she did. She had everything she needed and more. She was loved, probably too much for her own good sometimes. She loved too. Hopefully, I have great memories of her. Hopefully, I have great memories with her. I still love her. I still miss her. Time will help, but time will never make me forget her. After all, she was my little girl…